Difference between revisions of "User:Rewood/Car/computer joke"
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TITLE: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS? | TITLE: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS? | ||
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| − | + | General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how | |
| − | + | to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but | |
| − | + | imagine if they did . . . | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and | |
| − | + | turns over the engine." | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ------------------------------------------------------------------------ | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and | |
| − | + | markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and | |
| − | + | purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the | |
| − | + | vendor to install it for you." | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I | |
| − | + | have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with | |
| − | + | everything built in!" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ----------------------------------------------------------------------- | |
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| − | + | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "Your car sucks!" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "What were you doing?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all | |
| − | + | the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and | |
| − | + | now it won't start!" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do | |
| − | + | you expect us to do about it?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't | |
| − | + | crash anymore!" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ------------------------------------------------------------------------ | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because | |
| − | + | it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power | |
| − | + | brakes, and power door locks." | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?" | |
| − | + | HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" | |
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my | |
| − | + | car!" | |
| − | |||
| − | |||
Revision as of 11:45, 1 March 2006
TITLE: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS?
General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how
to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but
imagine if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?" HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine." CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?" HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you." CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "Your car sucks!" HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" HELPLINE: "What were you doing?" CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!" HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?" CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't crash anymore!"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks." HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?" HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?" HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"