Difference between revisions of "User:Rewood/Car/computer joke"
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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" | CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" | ||
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HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" | HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?" | CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?" | ||
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HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and | HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and | ||
turns over the engine." | turns over the engine." | ||
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CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?" | CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?" | ||
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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" | CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" | ||
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HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" | HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?" | CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?" | ||
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HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and | HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and | ||
markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?" | markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?" | ||
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" | CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" | ||
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HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and | HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and | ||
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the | purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the | ||
vendor to install it for you." | vendor to install it for you." | ||
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CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I | CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I | ||
have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with | have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with | ||
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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "Your car sucks!" | CUSTOMER: "Your car sucks!" | ||
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HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" | HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" | CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" | ||
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HELPLINE: "What were you doing?" | HELPLINE: "What were you doing?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all | CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all | ||
the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and | the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and | ||
now it won't start!" | now it won't start!" | ||
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HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do | HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do | ||
you expect us to do about it?" | you expect us to do about it?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't | CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't | ||
crash anymore!" | crash anymore!" | ||
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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because | CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because | ||
it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power | it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power | ||
brakes, and power door locks." | brakes, and power door locks." | ||
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HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" | HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?" | CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?" | ||
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HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" | HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?" | CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?" | ||
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HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" | HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" | ||
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CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my | CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my | ||
car!" | car!" | ||
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| + | [[Category:Humor]] | ||
Latest revision as of 14:16, 16 March 2006
TITLE: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS?
General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how
to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but
imagine if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your car sucks!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't crash anymore!"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"