User:Rewood/Car/computer joke

TITLE: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS? > > > General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how > to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but > imagine if they did . . . > > HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" > CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" > HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" > CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?" > HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and > turns over the engine." > CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all > of these technical terms just to use my car?" > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" > CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" > HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" > CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?" > HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and > markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?" > > CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" > HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and > purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the > vendor to install it for you." > CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I > have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with > everything built in!" > > ----------------------------------------------------------------------- > > HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" > CUSTOMER: "Your car sucks!" > HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" > CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" > HELPLINE: "What were you doing?" > CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all > the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and > now it won't start!" > HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do > you expect us to do about it?" > CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't > crash anymore!" > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" > CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because > it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power > brakes, and power door locks." > HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" > CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?" > HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" > CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?" > HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" > CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my > car!" >