Difference between revisions of "User:Rewood/Car/computer joke"
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TITLE: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS? | TITLE: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS? | ||
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ||
| − | + | General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how | |
| − | + | to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but | |
| − | + | imagine if they did . . . | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and | |
| − | + | turns over the engine." | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ------------------------------------------------------------------------ | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and | |
| − | + | markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and | |
| − | + | purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the | |
| − | + | vendor to install it for you." | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I | |
| − | + | have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with | |
| − | + | everything built in!" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ----------------------------------------------------------------------- | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "Your car sucks!" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "What were you doing?" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all | |
| − | + | the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and | |
| − | + | now it won't start!" | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do | |
| − | + | you expect us to do about it?" | |
| − | + | ||
| + | CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't | ||
| + | crash anymore!" | ||
| + | |||
| + | ------------------------------------------------------------------------ | ||
| + | |||
| + | HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" | ||
| + | |||
| + | CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because | ||
| + | it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power | ||
| + | brakes, and power door locks." | ||
| + | |||
| + | HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" | ||
| + | |||
| + | CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?" | ||
| + | |||
| + | HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" | ||
| + | |||
| + | CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?" | ||
| + | |||
| + | HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" | ||
| + | |||
| + | CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my | ||
| + | car!" | ||
| + | |||
| + | [[Category:Humor]] | ||
Latest revision as of 15:16, 16 March 2006
TITLE: WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS?
General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how
to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers -- but
imagine if they did . . .
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Your car sucks!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"
HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that doesn't crash anymore!"
HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"